I woke up angry today.
I knew why: one of my copywriting clients was taking time to send over the materials I needed to start a new project – and my rebellious side (of the Four Tendencies, mine is the rebel) was having none of it. “I have other clients to look after! I can’t just move things around for them all the time!”
I needed my journal.
But before writing, I needed to make sure I’d pinpointed the right emotion. What was I really feeling? I told myself I was annoyed at the client. But as I sat, eyes closed, and asked my unconscious mind to show me the true feeling, I saw it was anger.
So then on a blank page, I wrote “I’m angry because…”
Turns out, I’m angry about a lot. My list ended up with 10 things I’m angry about! Now, anger isn’t an emotion that I easily identify with. Yet there it was, on the page, next to some really surprising thoughts:
“I’m angry it took me so long to reconnect with horses and riding.”
“I’m angry Dimitri does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on his days off, whereas I always find something productive to do.”
“I’m angry about the way my mum’s friend is treating her as she’s about to give birth.”
When it felt right, my pen stopped.
So there on the page were neutral circumstances that I had added a whole lot of heat to. I was choosing anger. I was responding with that feeling.
And while I always say the path to any healing starts with accepting what’s there (by saying “Hello, Anger. What would you like to tell me today?”), I knew I was ready to release it.
The anger wasn’t mine to claim. It took me away from my values, my mission, my truth.
So how did I release it?
First, I closed my eyes and asked “What colour is the anger?”
It was fire engine red.
Then I asked, “Where does it exist in my body?”
I felt it, sensed it, saw it in my forehead, throat, shoulders and belly.
Next I asked, “What would be a more soothing colour to help release this anger today?”
I saw pale pink and white.
As I took an in breath, I imagined the pink glow drifting into those angry areas. And as I exhaled, I blew the red out into the atmosphere where it dissolved.
I kept doing this until I felt a softening, an ease.
To finish, I did the same with the white light and allowed it to bathe my entire being. Every cell awash with peaceful, calming white.
In a mere moment, I had shifted my state. The anger was gone – after all, I’d seen it go!
To check, I looked at my list of angry thoughts and asked, “Where’s the anger?” It simply wasn’t there. In fact, I laughed at a lot of the things on my list (with loving-kindness and compassion – it wasn’t an evil cackle or anything!).
I even realised that my unresponsive client was EXACTLY what I wanted. When I took on the job, I was concerned it was adding too much to an already packed schedule. “Argh, this deadline’s pretty tight. I should have said I can’t start ‘til next week.” And here we are, not starting until next week!
I was gifted grace. Peace. Pause.
And yet, I only saw inconvenience and disrespect. And responded with anger.
In realising all this, and doing the colour breathing exercise, I saw what was true. I saw the gift within the grit – within the story my mind had spun.
I wrapped my morning practice with a lovely little ritual that’s been helping me tap into my Higher Self (you may also call it God, the Universe, Unconscious Mind, Mother Nature, or something else).
I ask, “Higher Self, what shall I see today? Who shall I connect with? What shall I do and say to live in alignment with my truth and values? What’s my message for today?”
Today’s message was this:
Go slowly. Live generously, and with love.
And so I shall.