Feeling stuck sucks.
If you’re someone who’s always on the go, reaching your goals and getting shit done, being in limbo feels foreign. Uneasy. Uncertain. And utterly frustrating.
Before landing in the UK – where I met and married my Greek god and have stayed put for 3 years – I was roaming the world on a solo adventure. Every day opened up a universe of possibilities. I was free. No bills, no commitments, just me and my backpack.
Sure, it wasn’t all rainbows and glitter. It was on my travels where I came head-to-head with my anxiety. Where I had to get down and dirty with my muddy mind…and make friends with it. Where I was forced to face myself, in all my flawed glory, and be OK with what I found.
But mostly, my travels were totally aligned with one of my core values: Freedom.
So as much as I’ve loved settling in to our little flat above a high street hair salon, there have been times when staying still has thrown up all kinds of discomfort.
Times when Freedom has shouted, “Yo! When are we booking a one-way ticket to escape this humdrum?”
Times when it’s called, “You’re signing a TWELVE-MONTH broadband contract?! Noooooo!”
Days when I’d rather be back at the beach, swinging in a hammock and sipping a tropical juice without a care in the world.
See, staying still clashed with feeling free.
And my other core values – Connection and Peace – stole the spotlight.
I chose to Connect to my community, to my new partner. To stop running when things got tough or ‘boring’. To stick around to be vulnerable, to face my fears (and anxiety of stepping into brave love), and embrace the miracle of the mundane.
To amplify stillness and peace, and tone down adventure.
But that choice put me in the middle of the ring: Freedom vs Commitment. Who would win out in the Clash of the Core Values?
Turns out, I’ve learned to wrestle with both. To let both claim space in my life.
That’s step one for ANYTHING we wish to move through: acceptance.
Being OK with saying:
Right now, I feel stuck. Between my need for adventure and my choice to commit to this chapter.
Now we know what we’re dealing with. Now we can see our story laid out on the kitchen table.
So then what?
Then we prod and probe our story:
- Where does this discomfort stem from?
- What would being ‘unstuck’ be like?
- What would happen if I allowed Freedom and Commitment to co-exist in my life?
- What becomes possible when I release this resistance?
Then we start the shift:
- Where can I allow Freedom into my work and everyday life?
- What adventures can I plan in my neighbourhood, my city?
- What would spontaneity in my marriage look and feel like?
- Where do I already experience Freedom?
See, it’s less about BEING unstuck. And all about FEELING unstuck.
The circumstances are the same.
I’m still staring out on a rubbish-strewn street beneath a grey sky – not gazing out to the horizon across a sparkling sea.
I’m still paying the 12-month broadband contract – not living off-the-grid in the New Zealand mountains.
I simply switch up how I feel about the situation.
I accept the feeling of stuckness.
I accept the discomfort of commitment.
I accept some part of me still wants to escape the mundane, avoid facing truths.
And then I focus on the feelings I wish to embrace: like excitement, adventure, spontaneity.
And I let them all dance around together.
Rough and tumble it out.
And find a peaceful place where both sides of myself, both yearnings, both values can mingle and manifest.
Where I can settle in to my circumstances, but still create my dream life. In the here and now. In the mundane. Simply by choosing to be OK with how that feels.
If you feel stuck in any way, I hope this little story has added a fresh perspective. Still struggling or want to share your experiences? Let’s chat in our private Facebook group.